Courses closed, club bars abandoned. It’s only a matter of time before domestic tensions explode.
Is the ‘leisure lockdown’ an insane plan orchestrated by a group of divorce lawyers? In the most unprecedented of circumstances. Couples have been forced to spend time together for unpalatable periods. Four weeks of torture is simply too much to bear. Life without golf on the Isle of Man is taking it’s toll.
The Manx Police report that domestic incidents are on the rise. The hot, sunny weather conditions are causing strain. The sight of unused manicured golf courses is proving too much.
Local members are at crisis point, many are dedicating themselves to keeping local liquor distributors in business.
Golfers are generally reputed to be at the top of the behavioural ladder here on the rock. Maintaining that status is vital
Local golf enthusiast ‘Greg’ said, ‘The pain is unbearable, I’m on the Special Brew by the 11am breakfast. Watching countless reruns of the ‘Medinah Miracle’ is boring and the carpet is worn out with endless putting. As for those trick shot twats and a never ending stream of guff on Facebook, forget it. Even worse, my carefully planned 8 year DIY programme is now being pulled apart by ‘her indoors’. The ‘year 7’ jobs are now being pulled into ‘year 5’ and I’m having to grout the shower. Guaranteed sunshine and manicured courses untouched. It couldn’t get any worse, I’m hallucinating about cycling being some sort of ‘fun’.
The pain is shared all golfers. Talk of a helpline and counselling gives some hope for those in danger of going over the edge.
However, this is only one side of it, the strong force in any partnership is without question, the female. The ‘golf widows’ have had enough, they’re taking action.
Mavis Pitfield of Onchan is leading the campaign. ‘Another 4 weeks of this and I might kill him. He’s sat there complaining, drinking and farting. I’m living with a cross between Victor Meldrew and Rab C Nesbitt. I need him out of the house for 8 hours a day. Get the courses open now. I’ve done my research and there is a reasonable defence for murder here.’
She added ‘In any case, the courses can be used sensibly with solo golf. I told him that he could go out and play with himself all day.’
Show your support for Mrs Pitfield, get the long suffering Manx golfers back on the course. Please sign her petition on the link HERE