Month: January 2018

Haven Homes Winter League – M and M Top the Charts

The image of Mitchell and Mundell is a like a bad dream featuring ‘Peaky Blinders meet Laurel and Hardy’. This nightmarish duo of brutish Big Trev and the chilling Geordie, somehow manage to extort three points week in, week out. Saturday’s startled rabbits were Marc Morley and Dinsdale O’Hare who rolled over with a withering effort. The hopes of the league’s ‘also rans’ were quashed as Morley and O’Hare carelessly parked their balls out of bounds on the 15th hole whilst still in touching distance. Some shoddy play on the 17th contributed to the lax effort and the leaders moved closer to the season’s finish line with a 1 up win.

Dubbed the ‘best looking swinger’ in the club, John Cairney shaped a comfortable win against Hewett and Gray. Aided by Steve Gandy, the pair covered each other well against the hot and cold duo. The match was closed out on the 14th hole in the testing conditions. No excitement whipped up by ’Fifty Shades’ this week

Best play of the day came from Rowany’s very own Pro Golfer Tom Gandy. The match was resting on the 18th hole with Jack Gilbert against Dave Corrin and Allan Tasker. The excess rain was causing Gandy’s fake tan to stream into his socks but this was no concern to him. He holed a pitch shot on the final hole for an eagle two and a win for the team. A very handy score on a roll over week in the twos comp.

Dark stormy clouds were on the course and hovering permanently over the sorry heads of Paul Thomas and Mark Walton. The full time residents of Gloomsville share a chemistry that can only be termed as ‘morbid’. Up against the worst performers in the league, a massive 5+3 defeat was achieved. Chief of the Slag Brothers, (Coz) was grunting with glee as replacing Orry Teare with the reliable Bunty option paid off.

A rare 3 points was scooped by the beleaguered Kevin Stacey pairing. The unkind weather took its toll against Peter Addison and Wilf Lowey. Following a scrappy affair, the drowned rats were huddled around Holty’s half stacked coal fire in the clubhouse. Addy’s soggy rear end backed up so close with his acrylic wardrobe almost combusting as he hogged the heat.

It was fabulous to see true sportsmanship at Rowany between The Feds and Peter Holt and Dickie Corrin. Before the game had started, Power was eager to advise Holty was using a putter way too light for winter greens. This advice wasn’t heeded as Holt haplessly three putted the first for a loss. The third hole took the spirit of golf to the next level as Holt demonstrated unparalleled generosity. The scene was set on the green as he scored what appeared to be a hole winning 5. Power had been swinging around in the pampas grass, taking relief and then losing his ball around the fourth tee. It seemed a lifetime for the ball to appear and Power hacked out from a tricky lie to 60 feet. An offer to concede the hole due to time limits and order of play issues was made but true gentleman Holt insisted that the shot be made. The putt can only be described as ‘miraculous’ and it was a delight to see the Club Steward with what appeared to be tears of joy in his eyes as the ball dropped in the cup. For a moment, Holty was speechless.

Corrin and Holt folded on the fifth hole four down with post-traumatic stress and conceded the match. Their opponents begged to carry on in the wind and rain but alas, the four were in the cosy bar within minutes listening to Holty chatting about his beloved City’s winning margin predicted for the following day.

Haven Homes Winter League Report

Surely, life for Tyson Trev cannot get any better? The Forest fan and ungainly golfer is striding top of the table alongside his Geordie henchman following another winning weekend. David Stacey and Kevin O’Loughlin carried the hopes of the league and fought valiantly for 7 holes. The score was three up and just for one moment, the leaders were looking vulnerable. Sources state that O’Loughlin’s fragile concentration span was damaged once the ‘Notts Lump’ embarked on his terrific tales of dogs, ferreting and tarmac laying. Stacey and his flummoxed partner were on the receiving end of anecdotes from the big fella as the hitman quietly put them to the sword in the background. The game was won on the 17th and the title is almost in the bag. For regular updates of latest Arsenal scores, please follow Trev on Facebook.

Peter Holt managed to stretch his game to the 18th yet again. Beloved Maria was slaving away preparing Michelin starred fayre as the 1989 ‘Barman of the Year finalist’ extended his game to the last hole. Dickie Corrin was back in the partnership following his search for a career in the Navy. Brian Hewett and Neil Gray served up the opposition and rescued a point at two down with three to play. Mr ’50 Shades’ was depositing his collection of used Nitro golf balls at numerous locations in the Port Erin village away from the course on the early holes. A stroke of luck on the fourteenth was the turning point and Holty and Corrin couldn’t finish the game off. Corrin’s folly was his inability to push his ball a short distance uphill into the hole 15th.

Other scores from the weekend included a half for Tom Gandy and Jack Gilbert who were up against Paul Thomas and the 2018 Vice Captain, Mark Walton. The dreary game was as colourful as Gandy’s pale, bleached legs. Walton’s mind is now focussed on his performance at the forthcoming ‘Rowany’s Got Talent’ event on Saturday 10th February 2018. (Tickets £5 from the bar.)

Local Commissioner Marc Morley has vowed to make Rowany great again and trumped Coz and Orry Teare 3+1. Some great interplay with Donald O’Hare gave the Slag brothers little hope of escaping the wooden spoon.

A 3 pointer from John Cairney and Steve Gandy is about as rare as Chateau Briand on Holty’s menu these days . The musically gifted Scotsman played a tune that made his partner dance in time for once. Their opponents Dave Corrin and Allan Tasker had no time at all to relax and went down on the 15th.

On a serious note, please consider the plight of aged folk in the community this winter. Many are vulnerable and disorientated due to the harsh conditions at this time of year. Losing 5+4 to Billy Newton and Orry Glover is a sad reality of winter golf. If you have any spare bob hats, thermals or pocket warmers, please donate to Addy and Wilf Lowey. There can be no other possible reason than hypothermia for such a dreadful defeat to that pair on the Port Erin links.



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